FOR most people, barbecues, parties, lunches and weddings conjure
up images of mouth-watering food, interesting people and a relaxing
time. For some, such social events resemble nightmares.
Are you tired of watching social butterflies (or moths) flit from one group to another exuding confidence and jolly laughter as you grip your glass and grit your teeth painfully waiting for the second hand to slowly tick by?
It's easy to dismiss the importance of informal functions but believe it or not, many extraordinary events take place at these dos - opportunities knock, deals are closed and kindred spirits connect.
Become a social butterfly yourself by remembering these key points:
Be approachable
Take a deep breath. Smile. Relax. Look around to see if anyone is standing alone like you are. You'll be surprised to find out that there are other nervous people out there. Approach them if they smile in return. Start with a "Hello" and let the conversation flow naturally.
It's absolutely alright if nobody talks for a while - we do need to breathe (and eat or drink) every now and then. In fact, being a good listener is also part and parcel of being a good conversationalist, as advised by the late Dale Carnegie, author of the bestselling How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Don't be a wallflower - join the line at the buffet table and start chatting as you fill up your plate. Talking about food is easy and instantly engages people's interest. Remember to keep your comments light and positive. Keep your complaints to yourself!
An easy way to ensure that you will not shy away from the crowd is to set yourself a goal of talking to (and hopefully, getting to know) at least three new people when you attend a social function.
Be prepared
Since you're there to socialise, having a few questions on everyday topics can start or steer a conversation along. Closed questions allow the other person to respond easily with a "yes" or "no" and elaborate further if they want to. Examples of closed questions include:
Besides everyday topics, your personal favourites are also interesting chat matter. Do you know the latest in pop culture (blogs, music, etc) and news (local, business, etc)? Did you return from a holiday recently? Or have you just started a hobby?
If you're lucky, you may meet someone you can click with instantly but be mindful of sidelining others in the room.
Make a mental note to exchange contacts with your kindred spirit and get the conversation back to the group.
Be yourself
Nobody is more interesting than someone who is genuinely interested to hear what you have to say. In the movie, the lead character, Paul Tannek, appears to be the most socially inept person to step into New York University but he remembers his father's advice to him and applies it as he goes about trying to make friends.
Off the silverscreen, I was lunching alone at Chilli's one day when the waiter came to take my order. After doing his job, he asked me about my pregnancy and the conversation progressed to obstetrics, TV dramas like Grey's Anatomy and House and further studies in Malaysia.
Instead of a dull lunch alone, I ended up getting to know an articulate and intelligent young man who is on track for medical studies and will hopefully be one of our country's most promising citizens.
The point? I wouldn't have given him a second look as he was dressed like today's teenager are, in shirt and jeans, but he got my attention when his questions about my bulging belly were thoughtful and sincere.
Be sensible
While the young man above successfully started a conversation with a stranger on an unusual topic, personal comments or questions that touch on a person's age, appearance, ethnic background, marital status, political affiliations and financial background i.e. salary or house rent are still quite sensitive for most people.
Also, many fail to remember that informal functions, especially the ones organised for the office, are for people to get to know one another better but it's also a snake pit for scandals since you'll be back at work again on Monday.
Due to this, always, always remember your Ps and Qs, stay away from gossip (both the practice and the person) and stick to safe topics of conversation.
Lastly, few people care to chat if you answered the question, "How are you doing?" with a doleful disclosure of your medical condition or sighing about your family, money or marital problems. In reality, the ones who are interested in such revelations are usually the office gossip, Nosey Parkers, insurance or multi-level marketing agents.
At midnight, the party ended for Cinderella when her dress turned to rags, her footmen to rats and her stagecoach to squash, but if you practise making conversation, there'll be many more parties to come.
Are you tired of watching social butterflies (or moths) flit from one group to another exuding confidence and jolly laughter as you grip your glass and grit your teeth painfully waiting for the second hand to slowly tick by?
It's easy to dismiss the importance of informal functions but believe it or not, many extraordinary events take place at these dos - opportunities knock, deals are closed and kindred spirits connect.
Become a social butterfly yourself by remembering these key points:
Be approachable
Take a deep breath. Smile. Relax. Look around to see if anyone is standing alone like you are. You'll be surprised to find out that there are other nervous people out there. Approach them if they smile in return. Start with a "Hello" and let the conversation flow naturally.
It's absolutely alright if nobody talks for a while - we do need to breathe (and eat or drink) every now and then. In fact, being a good listener is also part and parcel of being a good conversationalist, as advised by the late Dale Carnegie, author of the bestselling How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Don't be a wallflower - join the line at the buffet table and start chatting as you fill up your plate. Talking about food is easy and instantly engages people's interest. Remember to keep your comments light and positive. Keep your complaints to yourself!
An easy way to ensure that you will not shy away from the crowd is to set yourself a goal of talking to (and hopefully, getting to know) at least three new people when you attend a social function.
Be prepared
Since you're there to socialise, having a few questions on everyday topics can start or steer a conversation along. Closed questions allow the other person to respond easily with a "yes" or "no" and elaborate further if they want to. Examples of closed questions include:
"Have you tried the prawn cocktail?""Do you feel that it's getting warmer these days?"Open questions invite the other person to talk about the topic in detail and help the both of you to find similar areas of interests. If you're out of ideas the furnishing and decorations, the food being served and the people around you may give you ideas of comments to make and questions to ask:
"Are you a fan of Glee?"
"Where are the best shopping spots in this corner of Kuala Lumpur? I'm from Penang, you see...""I have another friend getting married next week and I have no idea what to get her. What do you think are good wedding gifts?"Rosalie Maggio's The Art of Talking to Anyone: Essential People Skills for Success in Any Situation has sample scripts for small talk at work, in meetings, at social events, on the phone and in public places with a selection of responses for typical conversational situations.
Besides everyday topics, your personal favourites are also interesting chat matter. Do you know the latest in pop culture (blogs, music, etc) and news (local, business, etc)? Did you return from a holiday recently? Or have you just started a hobby?
If you're lucky, you may meet someone you can click with instantly but be mindful of sidelining others in the room.
Make a mental note to exchange contacts with your kindred spirit and get the conversation back to the group.
Be yourself
"But I'm boring!"My students' laments echo at the back of my mind but I remind them of a useful quotation from one of my favourite movies, starring Jason Biggs, Meena Suvari and Greg Kinnear: "Interested is interesting."
Nobody is more interesting than someone who is genuinely interested to hear what you have to say. In the movie, the lead character, Paul Tannek, appears to be the most socially inept person to step into New York University but he remembers his father's advice to him and applies it as he goes about trying to make friends.
Off the silverscreen, I was lunching alone at Chilli's one day when the waiter came to take my order. After doing his job, he asked me about my pregnancy and the conversation progressed to obstetrics, TV dramas like Grey's Anatomy and House and further studies in Malaysia.
Instead of a dull lunch alone, I ended up getting to know an articulate and intelligent young man who is on track for medical studies and will hopefully be one of our country's most promising citizens.
The point? I wouldn't have given him a second look as he was dressed like today's teenager are, in shirt and jeans, but he got my attention when his questions about my bulging belly were thoughtful and sincere.
Be sensible
While the young man above successfully started a conversation with a stranger on an unusual topic, personal comments or questions that touch on a person's age, appearance, ethnic background, marital status, political affiliations and financial background i.e. salary or house rent are still quite sensitive for most people.
Also, many fail to remember that informal functions, especially the ones organised for the office, are for people to get to know one another better but it's also a snake pit for scandals since you'll be back at work again on Monday.
Due to this, always, always remember your Ps and Qs, stay away from gossip (both the practice and the person) and stick to safe topics of conversation.
Lastly, few people care to chat if you answered the question, "How are you doing?" with a doleful disclosure of your medical condition or sighing about your family, money or marital problems. In reality, the ones who are interested in such revelations are usually the office gossip, Nosey Parkers, insurance or multi-level marketing agents.
At midnight, the party ended for Cinderella when her dress turned to rags, her footmen to rats and her stagecoach to squash, but if you practise making conversation, there'll be many more parties to come.
Christine Jalleh is a communications consultant and freelance
writer. Also a corporate trainer with a master's degree in English,
Christine knows the what, who, when, where, how and why of
communications.
Experienced in the non-profit, private and government sectors, Christine has worked with clients from China to Kenya to Argentina to London and New York to reach their target audiences. She blogs at http://christinejalleh.com
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christine_Jalleh
Experienced in the non-profit, private and government sectors, Christine has worked with clients from China to Kenya to Argentina to London and New York to reach their target audiences. She blogs at http://christinejalleh.com
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